The Internet Thinks You’re Sick. Your Doctor Disagrees.

There is a special kind of modern panic that only exists on your phone at 11:47 p.m., when a stranger with a ring light tells you your body is quietly ruining your life.

Right now, the villain is cortisol. Last year it was inflammation. Before that, gluten, dairy, seed oils, carbs, sugar, fruit before noon, fruit after noon, eating past 7 p.m., eating before 7 a.m., and joy.

According to TikTok Wellness University, cortisol is why you’re tired, bloated, anxious, unmotivated, aging badly, single, and possibly losing your job. Never mind that cortisol is a hormone your body literally needs to survive.

Enter the experts (actual ones) who recently had to do the exhausting work of explaining that no, most people do not have a cortisol disorder, and no, your stress cannot be diagnosed via a 30-second video filmed in a beige kitchen.

The Associated Press politely called it “debunking.” I would call it professional adults once again being forced to clean up after the internet set something on fire.

It was the latest installment in an ongoing series titled: Doctors Beg Internet to Stop Making Things Worse.

Because this isn’t really about cortisol. It never is.

It’s about our collective obsession with quick fixes. The fantasy that there is one missing supplement, one hormone hack, one secret trick standing between us and a perfectly regulated life. We don’t want complexity. We want a villain, a label, and a shopping link.

Wellness scams thrive because they promise relief without responsibility. They let us believe our problems aren’t situational, systemic, or, God forbid, genetic.

No, it’s just cortisol. Or inflammation. Or toxins. Or whatever buzzword is trending this quarter. The solution is always conveniently available in a pastel bottle with an online discount.

And TikTok is the perfect delivery system. It rewards confidence over competence, aesthetics over evidence.

A woman with clear skin and a calm voice saying “this changed my life” will always outperform a doctor explaining nuance. One feels hopeful. The other feels boring.

We choose hope flavored with misinformation every time.

What’s especially darkly funny is how these trends dress themselves up as empowerment. “Listen to your body,” they say, while actively teaching people to distrust it.

Every normal stress response becomes a pathology. Every bad week becomes a biochemical emergency.

You’re not overwhelmed by work, money, relationships, or the slow grind of late-stage capitalism, you’re hormonally broken. Lucky you, here’s a link and use my code!

Real medicine, unfortunately, does not work like this. It is slow. It is individualized. It involves follow-up questions, lab work, boring advice like sleep more, drink water, move your body, maybe try therapy. It does not come with an affiliate code.

Doctors don’t go viral because they can’t ethically promise miracles.

They can only offer probability, patience, and context. Which is exactly why people scroll past them in favor of someone diagnosing cortisol imbalance based on vibes.

Let’s be clear: medical misinformation isn’t just annoying, it’s harmful.

It convinces people to self-diagnose, self-treat, and self-blame instead of seeking actual care. It erodes trust in professionals who spent a decade learning how bodies actually work. And it turns health into a moral performance, if you’re still struggling, you must not be doing wellness correctly.

The irony is that stress (real stress) is often worsened by this exact behavior. Constantly scanning yourself for symptoms, chasing optimization, fearing invisible internal enemies. Congratulations, you’ve successfully stressed yourself into more stress!

Here’s the unsexy truth no influencer wants to sell you... there is no magic pill. No supplement fixes grief, burnout, loneliness, or a job that makes you cry in your car. Hormones are not villains. Bodies are not machines waiting for the right hack.

And health is not something you win by consuming the right content.

So here’s a radical takeaway, the one that doesn’t fit into a carousel post, trust your doctor.

The real one. The licensed, boring, fluorescent-lit one who knows your medical history and isn’t trying to sell you magnesium gummies in exchange for engagement.

Ask questions. Be curious. Be skeptical of anyone who claims certainty about your body without ever meeting it and holding a literal medical degree.

TikTok can teach you how to make a decent salad, style a curtain bang, or romanticize your iced coffee. It should not be where you outsource your endocrine system.

Your health deserves more than a trend cycle.

And your cortisol? It’s probably just doing its job.